Giants Midnight Replay

This Week In Giants Facial Hair. (#3)

What sets men apart from boys…. besides being able to buy beer? Men can grow facial hair, ok…. men can bring gnarly amounts of hair to the surface of their faces. Let us sit and celebrate, mock, and marvel over the facial hair of your San Francisco Giants. 

Latest & Greatest

What’s going on in this picture? What Ishi is bringing to the table might just be a more molded and extended version of what he had before.

 But to me it is looking more like a facial hair style that has been unofficially banned from the Giants clubhouse……. More specifically THIS ONE:

Yes… I said it… “The Velez” has been officially baned from the clubhouse. Also…. Yes I AM trying to mention Velez in EVERY blog I do. 

Also it looks like Cody Ross is keeping the World Series beard. I see no evidence of him having one before last year. 

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Best Facial Hair of The Year …. (so far)

I just picked up a copy of this on Saturday…. This mustache makes me weep with joy. Sadly the scum-stash is gone…… hopefully not forever. 

Worst Facial Hair This Year…. (so far)

Hands down Jeremy Affeldt has had and currently has the worst facial hair ever. It straight up reminds me of a vagina.

Please Jeremy…. listen to reason… it looks terrible. Your a decent looking guy, but your ruining it with that landing strip. Stop…. please. 

Look at him during his Reds days… so much better. 

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There has been a lot of hair sticking out all over the field lately. Sometimes when I’m looking at a player I can see the hair sticking out behind from behind their neck. My hair used to be like that. (no I don’t have pics). I’ve noticed Pippen rocking an inordinate amount of hair lately. Just a huge mane back-flowing out the neck, pretty epic. But if he doesn’t watch out it he could be visited by the mullet fairy one night. 

Newcomer Culberson has been rocking the same hair wad. It’s as if they have an exhaust pipe out the back of their heads and a cloud of brown smoke got petrified on the way out.  

But when you can see a BEARD coming out the sides of a neck from BEHIND. THAT is EPIC. 

Congrats Brian…. your beard has passed the “fully epic” stage. 

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Random Scruff

Rowand, rocking his boxy scruff, a stupid smirk, his gamer stains. Too bad you can’t see it, cause his head is waaaaay up his ass. 

The only thing about Whiteside’s scruff is that it might be the only part of his hair that is not FULLY grey. It’s a small island of youth still clinging to his chin. 

Pablo….. This looks bad. either go for a beard, a mustache, or nothing. 

Scruff to the future?

Contemplating Fontenot

In 1st grade I had a friend named Nick Castillo. He was a runt, shorter than everyone, faster than most, and his clothes seem to fit him wrong even when they were new. He left or got kicked out of my school after an incident in 5th grade. As my memory fades of those hazy photograph years of my life, I am left with one memory of Nick. He was the only one of us that had seen boobs. Or at least he was the only one who had broached the subject. I remember vividly, playing super techmo bowl at his house one Sunday afternoon. We are taking a break to drink glasses of whole milk, a strange tradition in his house which I found to be excessive but was relishing at the time, when he confided in me that his older sister’s friend had let him touch her boobs.

I was too young to realize that I was supposed to be impressed. It more struck me that I had never really contemplated boobs more than I had after that day. Also short people took on a sort of mythical stature in my mind. Did they just know more about life than me? Did they have access to some sort of 4th grader black market on taboo things like boobs, maybe candy? What else did Nick know about?

There is something fascinating about short people, is their whole family short, or are they the runt? Is runt a derogatory word? I’m not even sure.

At 5’8 Fontenot is riding the edge of what would be considered a runt. But for some reason, maybe it’s his facial features, I think of Fontenot as some sort of runt. As a comment has pointed out to me Fontenot is more around 5’5 which seems right than at his listed height of 5’8. It is strange to me that on a team full of great nicknames that Mike Fontenot has survived half a season already without having a some sort of terrible “huff-daddy-esque” nickname attached to him.

Here are my choices.

#1. Mr. Tumnus

For this one it’s just pure looks.

#2. The Leprechaun

While calling someone a Leprechaun might have negative connotations, I want to say that this is not the case here. I’m just saying that Fontenot is short and looks like one.

#3. Pippen

Fontenot is a hybrid of all the actors that play the different hobbits in Lord of The Rings. But has some specific Pippen-like qualities…. at least in the fast-forward black and white movie in my head.

#4. Napolean

Like the great military leader of the early 19th century, Fontenot is not only short in stature, but he is also most definitely of hearty French stock. Height wise Fontenot has Napolean beat by an inch and a half, but career wise, I’d say that Napoleon has the edge. Looks like Napolean has him beat here in height and awesomeness of career.

Also…. does anyone else see the irony of anyone short being on a team called the Giants?