Giants Midnight Replay

Stress

I have been stressed lately. Getting finished with my finals, switching jobs, eating a lot of pizza, and watching the Giants….. all of these things stress me out. I want to say that my “magical vacation” to Chicago to see friends and the Giants play at Wrigley Field was a cloud of fun and relaxation, but it really was just more stress. I will fill those blanks in with a post when I get a chance. For now I am wallowing in a couple of stress free days. Now all that stresses me out are the Giants. Why did I even dream that this win would be an easy one?

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The Omar Vizquel defensive inside play of the game goes to:

Nate Schierholtz for making an absolutely balls to the wall flying catch to end the game. If he missed the ball we lose. Flat out spectacular!

The Eugenio Velez defensive mishap of the night goes to:

Miguel Tejada, sure he made an amazing dive to get the ball but how much does that mean when you almost throw it away…. at this point I know I am being petty, the guy is getting better. 

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The Jack Donaghy (hero) award goes to:

Madison Bumgarner, how do you win your first game, hit a double and suppress the hell out of the opposing batters. Madison went all beast-mode on the dodgers today, I’m impressed. 

The Devon Banks (goat) award goes to:

Police people. I know I know, I am suppose to welcome safety to the ballpark right? nah, this just looks like a my house after the kegger I threw in high school got broken up. 

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more stuff:

Fontenot gets the scoring started!

The absolute meanest Pablo face I have ever seen. Awesome!

When you can’t win you just go after the batters I guess. 

I love that look that pitchers have when they can’t believe that they just gave up a hit. 

Soooo close to his first shutout. zoiks. bummer moment here. 

I probably should have giving Fontenot the Velez award today, but I just couldn’t. I like the guy too much. 

Usually a good sign, if you have two outs in the ninth, not today. Brian needs to take a day or two to heal that ankle. 

That is the second batter that got hit tonight. just saying…

Who is this guy? and what has he done with the old crappy Tejada? No joke, let’s pay some respect to a guy who seems to be turning it around. I really do want to root for you buddy, just give me a reason. 

Take notes Darren Ford, this is the only way you are going to make the bigs. 

Walking Off

Last night my boss took me out to eat, we went out for burgers and he tried to convince me to not quit my job. We ate our burgers and had a couple of uncomfortable moments. Eating, drinking, me talking about “how money matters to me now”, as if I’m some sort of adult. After dinner we split ways, I went drinking with a friend, had a few too many and ended up running around SOHO kicking trashcans over at 3 am. At some point I blacked out, got blue paint all over my pants, told a poet that I hate poetry and lost $20. I woke up at 1pm today, my head was throbbing. 

There’s no walk off hit in real life. I can’t make an amazing latte for someone, get cheered by a room full of satisfied customers, be mobbed by delirious co-workers and carried out on their shoulders. Life doesn’t provide the moments that baseball provides. I guess that’s why we get shitty drunk and run around manhattan kicking trashcans over. 

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The Omar Vizquel Defensive Excellence Award Goes To:

Aubrey Huff for sticking with the under-thrown ball to nail Miranda at 2nd. 

The Eugenio Velez Defensive Indifference Award Goes To:

Freddy Sanchez… surprisingly. For making 2 errors on one play, bobbling a ball and then throwing it too low for huff. 

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The Setoguchi Award (Hero) Goes to:

Lincecum…… I wanted it tonight. I was sniffing a no-hitter when I turned the game on when I got home in the 2nd inning. “is there a hit yet”?

My girlfriend goes to sleep and I ask her…..”should I wake you up if anything “historic” happens?”….. It’s gonna happen… someday. Until then, sleep tight. 

The Datsyuk Award (Goat) Goes to:

Ian Kennedy, not only for throwing a damn fine game but for breaking up the no-hitter in the 6th. disappointing, I was really feeling like tonight could have been the night for Timmy. But just like Datsyuk… you have to recognize greatness. 

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More Stuffs

This makes me wonder if the phrasing “Andre The Giant” is copy write, or if they felt it was appropriate to call it “Andre el Gigante” just because of his latin roots? Either way it is kinda cool, and kinda lame, I can’t decide yet.  

Buster sniffs out a hit. 

“Vaaat I git no vin today, eeez ok”

Cody Ross does the Freddy Sanchez “fake like it’s inside” dance

Then he throws his bat like a spoiled brat. haha

Tim threw two perfect corner pitches for strikes in a row in the 7th inning. Both times they showed a close up of his face and he was mouthing “fuck” with a disappointed look on his face. Perfection must be hard. 

Buster Posey is making gloves drop like beats……. ok that didn’t work as a metaphor. Whatever, Posey is playing great. 

Can some internet nerd draw some lasers shooting out of these eyes? Cause Ford is straight up cyclopsing dudes with these lazy browns. “Ya, I just stole on you… what?”

Huff has the swing of the game, with this karate chop fouling a ball at his eyes. 

Amy G. is the only thing in the world that makes Cody not want to smile. I feel ya Cody, I feel ya. 

Almost Too Easy

I don’t like Jackie Robinson day. I always turn the game on and think that the Giants have changed their jerseys. It always takes me about an inning to realize that everyone is wearing the same number. So here is Matt Cain, winning his first game as #42.

I am feeling something with Cain this year, as if he is going to do something great. I have felt this for about three years now. But the better he gets….. the more you think it. If I thought he was on track to do something special last year (which he did) then this year I have to assume the same. 

Year of the Cain……..?       I guess we’ll see. 

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The Omar Vizquel Defensive Wizardry Award Goes to: 

Gotta give props where they are deserved. Kelly Johnson made a pretty nice play on this “almost” bloop single. 

The Velez Award for Ball Bobbling Goes to:

Since this was an error free game I am going to put my favorite screenshot from last season up. 

ooooh lord I love this photo!!!! hahahahahahahahaha

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The W. Mark Felt Award (hero) goes to: 

Matt Cain, the guy is a beast. What more can I say about this guy?

The Richard Nixon Award (villain) goes to:

Again…… I can’t think of any…… This game was really really well played and kinda boring. I was going to say Jose Lopez for making Wilson come into the game, but… nah, he’s too good. No villain today…. So I will go with another classic Giants Villain Photo for those who know……

Mr. Poetry in motion…. The perfect Villain. 

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More Stuff

Pablo continues his beastly run. If he knew where the strike zone was he could hit .400 some year. 

I should have put the picture of Rowand’s strike out hat trick right here, but this picture has Rowand’s future replacement in it….. can you guess who it is?

Tejada is swinging a nice club right now. 3 hits. 

Call me a second guesser, but I don’t see why Ford or Schierholtz was not in right field at this point. This is the 5th or 6th inning. It was 5-0, Just felt like we had wrapped it up by then. 

Pretty lucky brake here, after a Pablo gone fishing strike-out Huff was hung out at least 8 feet.

Pablo is tearing it up over at the hot corner, I feel like I put a picture of his defensive plays in almost all my posts so far. (although he didn’t get the runner)

“Guuuuuyyyss…… Hey guuuuuuyyys…… I’m over here wait for meeeeee” says temporarily lost Aaron Rowand

I know that Fontenot didn’t really contribute in this game, but I just wanted to point out again that I am rooting for him and that the day that I didn’t do a game wrap he totally killed the ball and won the game for us. Love this guy!

I wonder if Darren Ford got his ring today? I really want to see this guy up in the bigs this year. 

I like how all the Arizona fans have given this guy a 4 seat radius…. I’ve seen some pretty terrible beards this year, this one is pretty epic. 

Wilson kisses the imaginary ring…… just a note. Anyone notice that Wilson now has matching orange (home) and grey (away) cleats? pretty legit. 

The Meat Grinder

The meat grinder continues to grind. …..(wow, john miller just said meat grinder when I was typing that!) ….. I just think that Meat Grinder is the perfect nickname for Aaron Rowand. He is obviously a serious Lunk Head (aka.. he is dumb as the dirt that he is standing on) but he has some sort of strange Lennie Small qualities. He is admirable because of his single mindedness. Maybe he is kind to small animals and raises pigeons or something. I can see him trying to relate to some sort of life form who has the same intellect level as him. (wow that was harsh, sorry if you’re some sort of intellectual Rowand). He is a grinder, we all know that. But a sort of inadequate small grinder that you have to hand crank. Hence the name…. Meat (cause he’s dumb) and Grinder (cause grinding is all he knows).. Take it or leave it, the bastard really helped us tonight…. strangely. 

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The Omar Vizquel Defensive Achievement Award goes to: 

Tim Lincecum for the play that will most likely be on all the highlight shows, getting hit by the ball, running after it, and sliding very similarly like a play he made last year, and throwing the runner out at first. Tremendous play, enjoyable to watch. 

The Velez Terrible Defense Award goes to:

Brandon Belt, kicking a roller to first when you have runners on the corners is not a good way to break out of a slump. Brandon did take some fly balls in right before the game though. …….. so there’s that.

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The Holden Caulfield Award (hero) goes to:

Brian Wilson striking out the 9th. Brian is the Keystone (not the beer) in the cathedral that is the 2011 Giants. We are building on the fact that we can count on him to slam a door in the faces of our foes. Wilson needed this, so did the Giants, and so did we.

The Phonies Award (goat) goes to:

Juan Uribe for being a bitch after getting hit by Lincecum. Please dude. We just gave you a big fat expensive ring……. just take your base. You don’t have to tell the ump that Tim has hit you before. Don’t be an idiot, it was a 3-2 pitch. 

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Extra Stuff

oh…. this is kinda a nice look! I like this.

Ya… actually Kemp.. this is almost in the strike zone, what are you doing the limbo for?

Another epic gun-down by Posey. This one is Mostly Timmy’s doing with his new and improved “release time” out of the stretch. 

I know Bochy put this hit and run on….. but oooooh man this looks bad. Tejada got thrown out by soo much that he could have made a run down out of it. 

Can’t believe Pablo hit a double swinging at this pitch. This guy can be amazing. 

There was a LLF sighting (Little Lord Fontenot) unfortunately he has made little of his very limited playing time this year with a 0-9. I’m still rooting for you buddy. 

I’ve seen Zito roaming the dugout 5 or six times this season when he was not pitching. He is always wearing his hat like this…. It reminds me of the farmers who used to plow the fields around where I grew up in the Central Valley (Exeter). He also reminds me of some kind of western town sheriff. 

How annoying is that fan… the one in red who is walking in front row. Think about throwing down that much money for tickets and then it’s the 7th inning, it’s tied game, with a runner on 3rd. The 1-1 pitch is coming to potentially change the game and some total fucking retarded asshole is like “hey… um excuse me… um pardon me…. um… just trying to get to my seats…. umm sorry… just had to get some garlic fries…. meeep … haha…. excuse me…  umm pardon….” SERIOUSLY!!!! Don’t even come to the fucking game, if you don’t know how NOT to ruin the game for others then cheer from your fucking house. STAY HOME!!!

Ouch! Nate doesn’t even wear protection on his hands in this weather. 

This clown…….

And this clown…. on the other hand, have to wear two different versions of the October flap hat just to stay warm……. pussies!

I figured that I would put this picture in there. My cat Truman is an essential part of my baseball viewing experience. 

Don’t Call Him Garbage

You can say a lot of things about Aaron Rowand, but you can’t say that he has given up. I seriously dislike the Giants association with Rowand, but I can’t fault him as a human. He just grinds……… sometimes he grinds a little too hard on sliders thrown outside and in the dirt. But the bastard just grinds. Here’s to you Rowand, keep grinding. Who knows, maybe we won’t miss Ishikawa so much, maybe Rowand becomes an amazing pinch hitter. 

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The Omar Vizquel Award goes to:

Pat Burrell for closing on a well hit ball in left field and making a nice jumping play….. I know…. you don’t remember that do you, that’s cause the game lasted 9 hours! 

The Velez Award goes to: 

Tejada for two miscues, one is stepping on his glove the other was picking up a grounder that should have been Sanchez’s in the 9th that proved to be an infield hit. 

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The Tina Turner Award (hero) goes to: Rowand for getting two big hits, when no one is really on his side (including myself)

The Ike Turner Award (goat) goes to: Brian Wilson for not throwing strikes. Sorry buddy, you wanna be a bad-ass and close games, you gotta throw strikes and shut the door. Screw the dramatic flare, close that shit down. 

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Some extras. 

Huff Miscue #1

Huff miscue #2


Yeah….. The Cardinals don’t really care about this. They are here to ruin our fun!


Sanchez’s breaking pitch was really working today. 

Affeldt needs to open his eyes when he swings.

Tejada makes good on his first swing at AT&T.

Do we need to do more ground ball practice for pitchers? Seriously guys. 

It’s conclusive evidence folks, Burrell is juicing. JK. But seriously, he is crushing balls! (haha)

Sanchez hits a double…….. that’s big Johnny Sanchez, not F. Sanchez.

This was a key play, unfortunately those bastards who were scoring the game didn’t give torres a hit OR a stolen base……. come on guys, your killing my fantasy team!!!

Sorry Affeldt, but your swing SUCKS!!! hahahaha

This is garbage!!! Lose with some dignity you batty old fart! Don’t pull 5 guys into the infield. uuuugh. I HATE Tony LaRussa! I hate him even more because it totally worked!

This is how long the game went, soo long that the announcers started talking about their meat. 

More Umpire garbage, this same spot was called a ball on Wilson at least 3 times in the 9th. 

Never Forget (Ex-Giants)

I’ve got midterms ok!!! geeeeeez. Plus no one offered to help with the blog!!! I’m a little tense at the moment!!!! Cody Ross’s calf just went BOOM and Moses’ oblique is sore, can you blame me for being a bit stressed.

Ok let’s cure all this misery and visit some of our old friends who have moved on.

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Oh Randy Winn, how long shall you roam the outfield before you see the postseason? From the looks of that bird on your hat, it’s gonna be a while. At least you strike out with style………. oh geez I need a beer before I continue….. hold on….

Hello my name is “No One Remembers Me”…. first one to guess correctly gets my eternal sympathy……. damn, I forgot to get my beer……. hold on…

Jamey Wright, one time rival for prettiest man in the Giants rotation with Noah Lowry, is now flaunting his hunky 6,6 frame for all the seattle broads. Seattle is his 9th team in 11th years. 

“Don’t get Joe Martinez’ed”…… my girlfriend and I were saying that all last year every time something was thrown at our faces. Now, “Don’t get Joe Martinez’ed” means… don’t get traded to a shitty team, only to be traded to an even shittier team. poor bastard. 

OMG! It’s an Ex-Giant double header! Joe Martinez fools Fred Lewis with a pitch…… straight down the middle of the plate. 

Biggest clue that you’re watching an Astros game…… They are selling “all you can eat” tickets…. oh ya.. and Matt Downs might make the club while batting a surprising .354 worth of bad hop grounders and dry air aided home runs down in AZ. 

I DARE you to guess who this is! ok it’s Pat Misch who has a chance to crack the bullpen with the Mets, not that that is saying much. the Mets are terrible.  Trust me I have to go to their games. 

Look it’s Bengie Molina…. No….. wait… it’s what we got for Bengie Molina along with Michael Main and  -$2,000,000. (ya… 2 million dollars„, that’s 1.5 million more than I will EVER see)

I was on my yearly family camping trip one summer, when I headed into the nearest town to get my coffee fix. I jumped online just to see what was happening on the trade front…. Turns out we had just sent Matt Morris out to pasture (pittsburgh) and gotten the speedy Rajai Davis in return…… aaah good times… Anyone remember why we let this guy go? Wasn’t it to fit Jesus Guzman on the roster or something terrible like that?

ahhhh Bowker walking back to the dugout with a quizzical look on his face. A sight we all saw a bit too often. Actually, sitting over here in Brooklyn, I am definitely gonna try to hit up a Pittsburgh game this year. You could get tickets right behind home plate for like…. $27.  

Speaking of Pirates…. Kevin Correia continues his misery tour of total crap teams as he gets the nod for an OPENING DAY START!!!! ARE YOU JOKING! 

Ok take care, and let’s all cross our fingers and pray for Rowand to get traded…. As you all should be doing every night before you go to bed.

This Week In Giants Facial Hair. (#3)

What sets men apart from boys…. besides being able to buy beer? Men can grow facial hair, ok…. men can bring gnarly amounts of hair to the surface of their faces. Let us sit and celebrate, mock, and marvel over the facial hair of your San Francisco Giants. 

Latest & Greatest

What’s going on in this picture? What Ishi is bringing to the table might just be a more molded and extended version of what he had before.

 But to me it is looking more like a facial hair style that has been unofficially banned from the Giants clubhouse……. More specifically THIS ONE:

Yes… I said it… “The Velez” has been officially baned from the clubhouse. Also…. Yes I AM trying to mention Velez in EVERY blog I do. 

Also it looks like Cody Ross is keeping the World Series beard. I see no evidence of him having one before last year. 

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Best Facial Hair of The Year …. (so far)

I just picked up a copy of this on Saturday…. This mustache makes me weep with joy. Sadly the scum-stash is gone…… hopefully not forever. 

Worst Facial Hair This Year…. (so far)

Hands down Jeremy Affeldt has had and currently has the worst facial hair ever. It straight up reminds me of a vagina.

Please Jeremy…. listen to reason… it looks terrible. Your a decent looking guy, but your ruining it with that landing strip. Stop…. please. 

Look at him during his Reds days… so much better. 

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There has been a lot of hair sticking out all over the field lately. Sometimes when I’m looking at a player I can see the hair sticking out behind from behind their neck. My hair used to be like that. (no I don’t have pics). I’ve noticed Pippen rocking an inordinate amount of hair lately. Just a huge mane back-flowing out the neck, pretty epic. But if he doesn’t watch out it he could be visited by the mullet fairy one night. 

Newcomer Culberson has been rocking the same hair wad. It’s as if they have an exhaust pipe out the back of their heads and a cloud of brown smoke got petrified on the way out.  

But when you can see a BEARD coming out the sides of a neck from BEHIND. THAT is EPIC. 

Congrats Brian…. your beard has passed the “fully epic” stage. 

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Random Scruff

Rowand, rocking his boxy scruff, a stupid smirk, his gamer stains. Too bad you can’t see it, cause his head is waaaaay up his ass. 

The only thing about Whiteside’s scruff is that it might be the only part of his hair that is not FULLY grey. It’s a small island of youth still clinging to his chin. 

Pablo….. This looks bad. either go for a beard, a mustache, or nothing. 

Scruff to the future?

This Week in Giants Facial Hair. (#2)

In a tragic turn of events, Tim Lincecum shaved his mouse-stache. 

It looks like Jeremy Affeldt is still sporting the terrible soul patch which will probably negatively affect his pitching.

Brian Wilson recently said that he was not promising to keep the beard all season. Which I think bodes well for my mustache prediction. Until then it seems that the beard is dominating. 

Our newest addition Jeff Suppan seems to be bringing a Circle Beard/Van Dyke/Goatee ya.. I’ve heard it call all three. But one thing is sure, it kinda looks bad. If you are growing facial hair, either go all the way to go mustache, just saying guys. 

uuuuuuuuuuugh, I LOVE this time of year, and I HATE it. Nothing to really write about, nothing to really talk about. Just a bunch of people talking about a bunch of stuff that isn’t baseball. 

Until next time…… grow a mustache. 

This Week in Giants Facial Hair.

Well Fan Fest happened. Out here in Brooklyn I am still slipping on snow when I go running. But It was like this last year so I’m not worrying. Spring is peeking through with three consecutive days with the temp over 40 degrees which is practically a holiday over here. Women strut around in tights and low cut tops and guys walk around in only two layers trying to show-up the weather gods before they usher another month of snow in to cover our false spring. 

With the dependable, yet questionable practice of counting down to pitchers and catchers starts. We have to rely on our creativity to write posts that will not bore. So without further ado…. let’s have our first installment of what will hopefully become a years worth of posts about Facial Hair Growth on the San Francisco Giants. 

Top Three Facial Hair Moves and Transactions. 

#1. Lincecum Mustache.

In a stunning turn of events Tim Lincecum has decided to throw his hat in the ring for most pubescent looking mustache in the Majors. I highly applaude this move since I am a major proponent of Mustaches over beards. Lincecum looked pretty dapper in a short interview the day before Fan Fest and would not look out of place in a Brooklyn bar. 

Personally I am hoping that Timmy can get a John Waters stache going. 

#2. Sergio Romo and Brian Wilson have kept their beards. 

Let it be known that Brian Wilson WILL be rocking a mustache at some point in his career, it’s just the next logical move. Not to say that his beard is not manly, it does it’s job well, hiding the fact that he still only has 2 jokes in his joke barn.

Sorry about stealing this twitpic… thanks to who it was… I forgot. 

But we love him and his beard, and the fact that he and Sergio have wintered their beards makes me happy. I’m trying to think what is more distracting….. a guy throwing a ball at me at 90+ mph with a black pirate beard or a guy wearing orange shoes……. ya… STFU league. 

#3. Madison Bumgarner tames his hick beard. 

From this…….

To this…….

Not much of a difference. But with a lack of other facial hair alteration…. I gotta go with this as #3. 

As rules of this blog have it, I must give equal time to the patron saint of future Giants facial hair and all around inspiration to this blog with his (former) flaming red mustache…. Jason Stoffel…. Here is an interview with him. 

Stoffel seems to not be taking his career as a mustached closer seriously enough. Come on Jason!!!!! There are enough chin growths in major league bullpens! We need more lip sweaters, it’s the only way you are gonna make it. Let’s try THIS look again. 

Future Facial Hair-olator. 

I think our best bet for a good old-timey mustache is Madison Bumgarner. Only a guy who deals in livestock and lives in the tiny town of Lenoir, NC could rock a true mustache. 

Side note…. while looking up Bumgarner’s hometown I found that another Bumgarner came from that same home town…. Justin Bumgarner…. Who is a MMA Fighter, (bottom of the page) I wonder if they are related?

If I Can’t Have a World Series

If there is no way that we could win the World Series in 2011, then there are still some things that would make me happy to see as a Giants fan.

#1. Matt Cain throws a No-Hitter. Even after a World Series ring AND not allowing a run in the post season, I am afraid that Matt Cain is still woefully overlooked. The plain fact is that he is SUPER DOMINANT! Every time I see him lose a 1 run game in the 8th I want to cry. Cain has thrown:

2 hit game through the 8th 2 times

1 hit game through the 8th 2 times

3 hit game through the 9th 3 times

2 hit game through the 9th 1 time

1 hit game through the 9th 2 times

12 Complete Games and 

4 Shutouts.

The only stat in these categories that Lincecum even comes close to matching him is shutouts. We all know that Cain has a no-hitter in him somewhere. he has gotten soo close, his ability to shut down a game is amazing. 

#2. Kung Fu Panda the sequel. There is nothing that I would love more than to see all those morons with panda hats on enjoying their purchase once again. There are no stats to back up what I want here, I just know that “thinner” pablo has a better shot of being 2009 pablo than Panda-tha-hut does. 

#3. Brandon Belt gets some trophies. Between 1992-1996 LA Dodgers rookies won 5 consecutive Rookie of the Year awards. And through all that they won 0 World Series. Which is pretty surprising because among the 14 N.L. ROYs since there have been 6 World Series winners. We are already 1 for 1 so… let’s get this goggly-eyed kid some hardware.

#3.5 Wilson Giants Saves Record. He is sitting on 134 saves right now just 72 behind All-Time Giants record of 206 by Rob Nen. So I guess that maybe this season is a little early to get close to that, but…. when can we start talking about it? It’s gonna happen soon.

#4. Andres Torres gets Golden. Andres Torres needs a Golden Glove like I need a cup of coffee right now. The fact that Jeter got one last year and Torres didn’t just proves that it is nothing to really brag about. This guy is the heart and soul of our team he needs something for his mantle. 

#5. Barry Zito Dominates. I don’t know how he will do it? I don’t know why, but all I want for next season is for Zito to rip through batters and re-prove himself. I know that this will not happen, but I am contented to think that it can happen though. Let’s see that snappy 12-6 curve come back and that pinpoint control. A great year for Zito would bring him that much more respect, and me an ounce of pride for cheering him on.