Giants Midnight Replay

There Will Be Blood

I tried…. I tried REALLY hard to save the Zito stache phenomenon until I could do a “This Week In Giants Facial Hair” post…. But it’s not possible, it was on full display tonight. This shapely “Nose Mullet” is THE nicest I have seen on a pitching mound since Clay Zavada. Can you attribute Zito’s future dominance to his new “Tom Selleck”? That would be a resounding YES! Is it a major reason why the Giants won 4 to 1 tonight? YES!

Zito I am your eternal fan if you keep the stache! I take back all the bad things I said about you. I will forget the fact that your an emotional wreck with a philosophical attachment to surfboards and other self-absorbed-beach culture douchiness.

Keep the “Plainview” Barry, if you know what is good for you. 

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The Kafka Tamura Award (Hero) goes to: 

Pablo Sandoval for the 38 lbs lighter defensive show he put on in the 4th inning. Pablo also got the first RBI of the night.

The Johnnie Walker Award (Villain) goes to: 

Gio Gonzalez, cause you gotta recognize greatness! This guy is a beast straight up! I would not be surprised if he wins a Cy Young at some point soon.

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The Omar Vizquel award goes to:  

Pat Burrell, There isn’t many times where I can give the award to him. So I gotta do it when I can. Nice Catch Burrell, nice catch. 

The Velez Award goes to:

Andy LaRoche was having a bad day all around. He had a wide throw to first base on a double play chance, and also this bungled ball. 

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Extra goodness. 

OMG these guys are insane homers! I am so happy to have our broadcasters, every time something doesn’t go their way its “NOOOOO” from the fucking peanut gallery. 

Hey look…  smiles!

Coco smiles!

Exhibition game smiles!

Game face bitches!

Zito was about 11 inches away from giving up his 1 run lead early.

Holy crap, DeRosa has a HUGE backside! Just sayin…… just sayin…

DeRosa’s big ass is slowing him down on this foul pop-up.

As much as I hate Panda hats, imagine if this was your only hat choice. Actually imagine if that was your job, making like 2,000 ballon hats. 

Don’t forget the little guy’s contribution an RBI double in the 7th. Fontenot is another player that is better than Rowand

A missed sign gets Andy Laroche into a “Fun”-down in the 5th.

I swear if Schierholtz loses his job and Rowand keeps his I will be pretty irrate. Two batters after Rowand waved frantically at a high pitch Nate blasts this one deep into center field.

Tomorrow I will post my season “Preview”.

If I Can’t Have a World Series

If there is no way that we could win the World Series in 2011, then there are still some things that would make me happy to see as a Giants fan.

#1. Matt Cain throws a No-Hitter. Even after a World Series ring AND not allowing a run in the post season, I am afraid that Matt Cain is still woefully overlooked. The plain fact is that he is SUPER DOMINANT! Every time I see him lose a 1 run game in the 8th I want to cry. Cain has thrown:

2 hit game through the 8th 2 times

1 hit game through the 8th 2 times

3 hit game through the 9th 3 times

2 hit game through the 9th 1 time

1 hit game through the 9th 2 times

12 Complete Games and 

4 Shutouts.

The only stat in these categories that Lincecum even comes close to matching him is shutouts. We all know that Cain has a no-hitter in him somewhere. he has gotten soo close, his ability to shut down a game is amazing. 

#2. Kung Fu Panda the sequel. There is nothing that I would love more than to see all those morons with panda hats on enjoying their purchase once again. There are no stats to back up what I want here, I just know that “thinner” pablo has a better shot of being 2009 pablo than Panda-tha-hut does. 

#3. Brandon Belt gets some trophies. Between 1992-1996 LA Dodgers rookies won 5 consecutive Rookie of the Year awards. And through all that they won 0 World Series. Which is pretty surprising because among the 14 N.L. ROYs since there have been 6 World Series winners. We are already 1 for 1 so… let’s get this goggly-eyed kid some hardware.

#3.5 Wilson Giants Saves Record. He is sitting on 134 saves right now just 72 behind All-Time Giants record of 206 by Rob Nen. So I guess that maybe this season is a little early to get close to that, but…. when can we start talking about it? It’s gonna happen soon.

#4. Andres Torres gets Golden. Andres Torres needs a Golden Glove like I need a cup of coffee right now. The fact that Jeter got one last year and Torres didn’t just proves that it is nothing to really brag about. This guy is the heart and soul of our team he needs something for his mantle. 

#5. Barry Zito Dominates. I don’t know how he will do it? I don’t know why, but all I want for next season is for Zito to rip through batters and re-prove himself. I know that this will not happen, but I am contented to think that it can happen though. Let’s see that snappy 12-6 curve come back and that pinpoint control. A great year for Zito would bring him that much more respect, and me an ounce of pride for cheering him on. 

Pillows and Nails

Giants beat the A’s 5 to 4

Screenshot of the game. 

This guy is Nails

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3 out of 5 Neukoms

- 3 walks taken, 6 walks issued

- 3 for 11 RISP

- Your daily dose of GIDP by Gerald himself.

- But Gerald also made a nice pick in the 9th

- As did Nate, or at least he knocked it down, which prevented a run.

Also…. (extra) kudos to Wilson for picking off Mark Ellis at 1st base but not getting the call in the 9th. 

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The Robert Neville award (hero) goes to Brian MUTHA FUCKIN wilson for being nails. Do Giants fans realize what they really have in Brian Wilson? Probably not. Does Armando Benitez ring any bells?   ya…….. I remember…… I suffered also. Sure Wilson makes my heart palpitate a bit more than I like…. but he gets it done. 

The Jonathan Matthias award (villain) (and the whole Pillows reference in the title of the blog) goes to Guillermo Mota who is possibly showing his ugly side for the first time. I always kinda felt like we were rolling the dice with that guy. I hope he puts it back together. Also a extra dose of shame on Affeldt for making Wilson go the distance. 

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extras:
Before I start the pics…. before I forget…… congrats to Zito for beating his old team finally…. he is pitching great…. I just feel like it would be a shame not to mention it. 

ok

I love pictures of errors…. I don’t know why.. it’s like listening to movie commentary….. rather unscripted and usually more interesting. 

A rather picturesque look at Aubrey Huff’s triple. 

It is time to make Pablo into a left handed hitter for good? Nice Babe Ruth backswing…

Dear: Moron…. That is a LIVE FUCKING BALL…. aka… put your meathooks back in your jacket….. idiot!Sincerely..Everyone who’s actually paying attention.

Domino Gangstar, Jazz Hands, Mustache having, all around bad ass Juan Uribe says….”Dance boy!” as he shoots a gun at Ben Sheets feet.

Welcome Back Zito

Giants beat Colorado 5 to 2

Screenshot of the game

Zito goes 8 innings and 119 pitches, while striking out 5

4 out of 5 Neukoms….

Because…….

6 Walks

3 for 10 with RISP

And some solid defense behind Zito (which is necessary for him to win. ) including this nice stretch by Huff.

The “Baking Soda” Award (hero) goes to Barry Zito, who has reinvented himself again into his old dominant self. 

The “Foot Fungus” Award (villan) goes to The Injury bug, which claimed the already-woeful-Renteria. 

Couple of extra screenshot.

unnecessary dive by EY, Jr.

This one was necessary….

Mr clutch himself has embraced the badass Neukom socks!

EY,Jr takes a second from his busy schedule to spit some funky-fresh rhymes to the bleacher folks

Bengie and Clint Barmes do a dance routine.

More Barmes tomfoolery!

Barry..Barry..Barry..Barry!

Giants take the series from the Cardinals 2 to 0

Screenshot of the game. 

Barry Zito Rules (today)

4 out of 5 Neukoms. 

Giants winning by playing fundamental baseball. The only reason that it was not 5 out of 5 was because of Renteria’s fumble. 

The He-Man award (hero) goes to Barry Zito who proved me wrong and pitched as brilliantly as anyone else on the staff for 8 innings. 

The Skeletor award (villan) goes to Adam Wainwright who beams his old teamate TWICE….. WTF. Give credit where it is due though, that man can deal!

First time

Second time. 

Some other interesting things:

Bengie throws out his brother on a strike’em out throw’em out play.

 The pitcher who wears the coolest socks in baseball pitches to the infielder who wears the coolest socks in baseball. 

Pujols doesn’t like striking out……. “I’ll tell you if it’s a strike or not!!!!”

aaaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhhh

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Spring Training Game #(who cares)

Ok I am officially tired of posting for spring training games. It’s just harder to get amped up for a game that means nothing and now it’s just the last stand for some of our AAAA guys. So instead of my usual in depth analysis (haha), I will now just resort to posting stupid pictures to describe how the game went. 

The only other disappointment that I wanted to note was that Ishikawa and Schierholtz still seem really really rusty…… zoiks. Is it time for Bowkermania in right field? 

Oh and also…… Zito was actually pitching pretty good……….. for Zito.

40 Giants in 37 Days (maybe)

ohhhhhhh Shrug!!! this is not working out. I have gotten through 13 Giants players and have 27 left…. I am not giving up, but I am not going to fulfill what the title of this post says. 

Barry Zito 

How will he do this year?

According to Zito, he has never been in better shape. I saw him on the tube yesterday and he did look like he lost some chub from over the winter. When he was on last year he was on. But Zito is plagued by something that plagues a lot of the Giants players…. Which is an over blown contract that makes them look bad for being what they are (average players). The key of course is the same key that Rowand and Renteria need, a solid start to the season.

Do I like the guy?

ehhh. Kinda. seems like he is having a quarter-life crisis, he seems to be lost in space like the rest of us. So in that sense I can appreciate his terrible attempts at music making. 

Would I hang out with him?

He seems like someone I could hang out with, but only as long as we were doing some activity that precluded him from talking. He seems to try really hard to present himself like some sort of model/john mayer type and his attempts are pretty obvious.

Will he play an essential role on the 2010 Giants?

Absolutely. Forget his singing Zito’s, his curveball better be 12-6 by opening day or he will once again feel the wrath of his least favorite kind of attention. I do give him credit for getting into super shape last year and this. (as I am writing this, Zito is giving up a run) uhhhh.

Douche-stock

Douche-stock……   or “WoodJock” 

Do I really need to explain this……..

Aubrey Huff………….

Crime Commited:   holding a Coors

Punishment: Eternal Douchiness

Barry Zito………………

Crime Commited: Standing next to Jeffrey Lebowski

Punishment: Actually this isn’t a crime.

2nd Crime Commited: Thinking he is a rock star

Punishment: Worse record sales than Ron Artest

Brandon Medders……….

Crime Commited: Severe Auxillary Hyphidrosis

Punishment: Cut this guy some slack at least ye shaved his stupid soul patch. 

Me……….

Crime Commited: stealing all my pictures from Big League Stew’s “WoodJock” post.

Punishment: Doomed to write a blog that no one gives a shit about!