This is How to Lose at Baseball
This whole game wasn’t a total loss. There were some sweet moments. The only one I remember was Uribe crying when he got his ring. Which was a nice moment for him and the fans. But you have to think about this…. does Uribe get this moment if Stow doesn’t get beat up in the parking lot of Dodger Stadium last week? So… in that sense it’s kind of a manufactured moment… right? just weird, but nice.
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The Omar Vizquel award goes to:
This one will reluctantly go to Madison Bumgarner. He really doesn’t deserve it. But his pickoff of Kershaw at first base was nice to see. It was sneaky and well executed. Even though Kershaw looked like he made it back to me. (again…. the fucking umps)
The Velez Award goes to:
oh my so many to choose from tonight. Where to begin. I guess this will have to go to Pat the Brick with his weighty brick glove and no-body defense in left field. You must put your body in front of the ball. He made and ass of himself out there. Also where the hell is the Rowand to back him up when the ball gets past him. uuuuugh
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The Sherlock Holmes Award (Hero) goes to:
….No…….. you know what…… I ain’t giving this award to anyone. No one deserved it today.
The Professor Moriarty Award (goat) goes to:
The Umps. They just straight up got it wrong during this game, bad strike calls, bad non-calls, bad base-path calls. Just bad game all around, I wonder if there is a rotation of umps that make sure that we get good umps once in a while or does the NL West just get a bunch of cast-off garbage?
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More Garbage.
Bumgarner’s throw was too slow over to first base and Kemp’s Steal turned into a run shortly after.
Sanchez has a rare dropped ball, of course it happens now, just like everything else. 
This is all you need to know about tonight’s umps…… This was called a strike. I’m not joking…. and….
This was called a ball two batters later…… NOT JOKING.
Rod Barrajas ruined my fucking night last year. I was working at my job in Manhattan, and ran out after work to catch the last part of the Giants and Mets game. I took the 7 train all the way out to Queens to see if I could get into the stadium late. It was the 8th inning and I found a $5 ticket from a scalper. I ran in, through the oddly out of place Jackie Robinson pavilion and up the stairs. I found my girlfriend who had been there the entire game, she was standing in the walkway behind 3rd base. We watched the last three innings standing there. They went to extras and after a couple of scoreless innings Rod “mutha-fauckin” Barrajas hits a walk off home run to crush night. He did it again tonight, just not as dramatic.
I didn’t get the chance to screenshot the other two close grounders that got past Tejada, This one got past Sandoval, but I am beginning to lump them together defensively.
oooooohhh nice picture. ………. actually you know what! I am really getting sick of all the free advertising that Toyota is getting on my blog. If I had some quick way to blot that STUPID Toyota symbol out I would. Like anyone drives a Toyota. Do you know anyone with a Toyota? I don’t. I hate sponsorships.
Regardless of what the barbarians did to our man Stow in LA, I don’t like to see this kind of unity. It’s like Stephen Colbert breaking character, or Brian Wilson breaking character. It just kinda ruins stuff. Plus if it takes ruining 100+ years of good rivalry to convince San Francisco fans not to ruthlessly savage each other then I am ashamed of everyone. Affeldt and Carroll sounded like my 4th grade teacher out there before the game…… I’m not saying that their message was not correct, I’m just saying that if we need someone talk to us like grade-schoolers, as if we were watching an old PSA on tv, then we need to consider having a “common sense awareness” auction or 5k run.
Jeremy Affeldt starring as……. Your 4th grade substitute teacher. (in your best teacher voice) “ummmm guys,…. hitting each other is bad, and I don’t think you should do it anymore” …….. I mean come on, everyone knows those dudes in LA are degenerates who probably never even finished 4th grade. I just can’t believe it came to this, Affeldt telling me to be nice. uuuugh, my life is moving backwards.
oh god,….. on the flip side….. I am glad that Carroll didn’t get straight up booed. It was pretty brave of him to even get near the mic at AT&T park.
Sure Brandon is struggling. But there is something in his face when he is swinging at all those bad pitches that scares me even more. Between swings he looks contemplatively at his bat. He will furrow his brow and wipe some imaginary April sweat from it. He has the face that I had back in the 8th grade when I had just done amazingly while playing the lead role of Tom Sawyer in the first half of the play we were putting on that year. Only to realize that I had a whole other half to go and I had seriously slacked off on the memorizing part of the latter half of the play. I stumbled around some lines, made a blowfish face with my mouth, looked at the ground, looked at my frantic teacher mrs. (forgot name) who was mouthing ghost words in my direction……. Just shear panic. That’s what this face means to me.
And of course it wouldn’t be a real Giants game without a late meaningless solo home run. Thanks Pat Burrell.
Gee Shucks guys! Let’s go get’em tomorrow…….. or we can just get steamrolled like we did today, what the hell!
