Giants Midnight Replay

Walking Off

Last night my boss took me out to eat, we went out for burgers and he tried to convince me to not quit my job. We ate our burgers and had a couple of uncomfortable moments. Eating, drinking, me talking about “how money matters to me now”, as if I’m some sort of adult. After dinner we split ways, I went drinking with a friend, had a few too many and ended up running around SOHO kicking trashcans over at 3 am. At some point I blacked out, got blue paint all over my pants, told a poet that I hate poetry and lost $20. I woke up at 1pm today, my head was throbbing. 

There’s no walk off hit in real life. I can’t make an amazing latte for someone, get cheered by a room full of satisfied customers, be mobbed by delirious co-workers and carried out on their shoulders. Life doesn’t provide the moments that baseball provides. I guess that’s why we get shitty drunk and run around manhattan kicking trashcans over. 

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The Omar Vizquel Defensive Excellence Award Goes To:

Aubrey Huff for sticking with the under-thrown ball to nail Miranda at 2nd. 

The Eugenio Velez Defensive Indifference Award Goes To:

Freddy Sanchez… surprisingly. For making 2 errors on one play, bobbling a ball and then throwing it too low for huff. 

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The Setoguchi Award (Hero) Goes to:

Lincecum…… I wanted it tonight. I was sniffing a no-hitter when I turned the game on when I got home in the 2nd inning. “is there a hit yet”?

My girlfriend goes to sleep and I ask her…..”should I wake you up if anything “historic” happens?”….. It’s gonna happen… someday. Until then, sleep tight. 

The Datsyuk Award (Goat) Goes to:

Ian Kennedy, not only for throwing a damn fine game but for breaking up the no-hitter in the 6th. disappointing, I was really feeling like tonight could have been the night for Timmy. But just like Datsyuk… you have to recognize greatness. 

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More Stuffs

This makes me wonder if the phrasing “Andre The Giant” is copy write, or if they felt it was appropriate to call it “Andre el Gigante” just because of his latin roots? Either way it is kinda cool, and kinda lame, I can’t decide yet.  

Buster sniffs out a hit. 

“Vaaat I git no vin today, eeez ok”

Cody Ross does the Freddy Sanchez “fake like it’s inside” dance

Then he throws his bat like a spoiled brat. haha

Tim threw two perfect corner pitches for strikes in a row in the 7th inning. Both times they showed a close up of his face and he was mouthing “fuck” with a disappointed look on his face. Perfection must be hard. 

Buster Posey is making gloves drop like beats……. ok that didn’t work as a metaphor. Whatever, Posey is playing great. 

Can some internet nerd draw some lasers shooting out of these eyes? Cause Ford is straight up cyclopsing dudes with these lazy browns. “Ya, I just stole on you… what?”

Huff has the swing of the game, with this karate chop fouling a ball at his eyes. 

Amy G. is the only thing in the world that makes Cody not want to smile. I feel ya Cody, I feel ya. 

Terribler Than Terrible

“These aren’t your father’s Nationals” That’s what Krukow said on the pregame show. I am assuming he was speaking about the endless futility of the Expos. At the same time Kruk might have a point. The Nationals are not terrible, but to say that the they are not terrible would be a lie. They ARE terrible, but the Giants are terribler. The Giants are the 111 loss 2004 Diamondbacks right now. The Giants are the fucking 43 win 2003 Detroit Tigers right now. The Giants are the fucking 1994-2010 Pittsburg Pirates right now.  The Giants’ bats are limper than a senior citizen’s wrist. Ok let’s leave it at that. So let’s all just do some jumping jacks, loosen up and settle in for a LONG road trip. Let’s enjoy this round of terrible baseball while it lasts. Let’s hope it doesn’t last long. 

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The Omar Award goes to: 

Aubrey Huff for the excellent play down the first base line early in the game. 

The Velez Award goes to:

Aaron Rowand and Cody Ross. I think everyone knows what I am talking about…… Just look at the picture.

“let’s share this ball and be happy” says those dorks.

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The Dorus Rijkers Award (Hero) goes to: 

Tim Lincecum who found his good pitches a couple of innings too late. Poor bastard, if you don’t throw a shutout then you pretty much have no shot at winning with this lineup. 

I forgot to snap a pic of Tim tonight so I stole this pic from here..

The Sea Award (Goat) goes to:

Jason Marquis who is a mutha fucking Giant KILLER. It’s unbelievable how much the Giants suck right now, and Marquis is just the wrong type of pitcher for us to face right now. I would rather face Halliday, Sabathia, Josh Johnson or pretty much any number of aces. A ground ball pitcher is the last thing I want to see on an upcoming schedule. 

Here he is hitting an RBI hit and run on an impossible pitch to hit. 

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Bonus Crap:

This bunt that worked (but ultimately didn’t work) doesn’t bother me. We are up against a ground ball double play pitcher, and we have a guy on base. Solid option. 

This bunt does bother me, Miguel Tejada, former MVP, former slugger is bunting with no one on base and 36 year old legs. Now Tejada made it to first, I know, fair enough. But it just proves that Tejada knows that he sucks, and in my opinion should not be playing. 

Right after Rowand and Cody decided that they wanted to share a fly ball Nix blasts a 2 run HR. Perfect timing. Can things go worse for the Giants?…….

Yes… Cody (why am I still in the lineup) Ross hits a single and gets throw out by 8-12 feet at 2nd base. 

Buster (Don’t vote for me for the All-Star game ) Posey along with the rest of the Giants hitters swing about 20+ times at this pitch. 

Posey throws his second runner out except he is called safe (make-up-call). This guy went on to score on that impossible hit and run Marquis hit. 

Bring in the scrubs!!!!

This Week In Giants Facial Hair. (#3)

What sets men apart from boys…. besides being able to buy beer? Men can grow facial hair, ok…. men can bring gnarly amounts of hair to the surface of their faces. Let us sit and celebrate, mock, and marvel over the facial hair of your San Francisco Giants. 

Latest & Greatest

What’s going on in this picture? What Ishi is bringing to the table might just be a more molded and extended version of what he had before.

 But to me it is looking more like a facial hair style that has been unofficially banned from the Giants clubhouse……. More specifically THIS ONE:

Yes… I said it… “The Velez” has been officially baned from the clubhouse. Also…. Yes I AM trying to mention Velez in EVERY blog I do. 

Also it looks like Cody Ross is keeping the World Series beard. I see no evidence of him having one before last year. 

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Best Facial Hair of The Year …. (so far)

I just picked up a copy of this on Saturday…. This mustache makes me weep with joy. Sadly the scum-stash is gone…… hopefully not forever. 

Worst Facial Hair This Year…. (so far)

Hands down Jeremy Affeldt has had and currently has the worst facial hair ever. It straight up reminds me of a vagina.

Please Jeremy…. listen to reason… it looks terrible. Your a decent looking guy, but your ruining it with that landing strip. Stop…. please. 

Look at him during his Reds days… so much better. 

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There has been a lot of hair sticking out all over the field lately. Sometimes when I’m looking at a player I can see the hair sticking out behind from behind their neck. My hair used to be like that. (no I don’t have pics). I’ve noticed Pippen rocking an inordinate amount of hair lately. Just a huge mane back-flowing out the neck, pretty epic. But if he doesn’t watch out it he could be visited by the mullet fairy one night. 

Newcomer Culberson has been rocking the same hair wad. It’s as if they have an exhaust pipe out the back of their heads and a cloud of brown smoke got petrified on the way out.  

But when you can see a BEARD coming out the sides of a neck from BEHIND. THAT is EPIC. 

Congrats Brian…. your beard has passed the “fully epic” stage. 

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Random Scruff

Rowand, rocking his boxy scruff, a stupid smirk, his gamer stains. Too bad you can’t see it, cause his head is waaaaay up his ass. 

The only thing about Whiteside’s scruff is that it might be the only part of his hair that is not FULLY grey. It’s a small island of youth still clinging to his chin. 

Pablo….. This looks bad. either go for a beard, a mustache, or nothing. 

Scruff to the future?

NY Love, At Dos Toros.

sfgiantslovelaugh:

I guess this is at Dos Toros Taqueria….. which is about the closest thing that us new yorkers have to a Mission style burrito. When I went in here after watching one of the World Series game in Finnertys the guy making my burrito asked me about the score and gave me a high five. Us San Francisco ex-pats have a couple places that make us feel at home…. even though it’s still 35 degrees and snowy here. 

(via sfgiantslovelaugh-deactivated20)

TWO WEEKS TILL…. well….. not much really.

Let’s face it the whole counting down every day till pitchers and catchers is the baseball equivilant to running towards the REALLY BIG LAKE… that is…… just over the next sand dune. You finally get there and you realize that there is really nothing there. 

The Lincecum Mustache news broke at Fan Fest soooo that news story from pitchers and catchers is already cashed. 

Let me remind you…. here are a few topics being batted around last year during pitchers and catchers. 

• Kevin Frandsen gets a new number!

• Giants Owner Neukom likes stripes

• Rowand comes to camp 10 lbs lighter

• Ishikawa tears ligaments in his big toe after slipping on the staircase in his home

• Dan Runzler was sent home with the flu

• Dave Raghetti travels to Chicago to be inducted into the National Italian American Sports Hall of Fame

• Emmanual Burriss gets a new tattoo

• Bumgarner says he likes to ride horses in the offseason

• Lincecum takes picture in front of Wal-Mart

I’m just saying guys….. 3 weeks 4 days until the FIRST SPRING TRAINING GAME!!!…. let’s get excited about that. 

until then……….

R.rr.r.rr.rr.rr.rr.r.r..rr.r.rr remember when….. we won the World Series?

This Week in Giants Facial Hair.

Well Fan Fest happened. Out here in Brooklyn I am still slipping on snow when I go running. But It was like this last year so I’m not worrying. Spring is peeking through with three consecutive days with the temp over 40 degrees which is practically a holiday over here. Women strut around in tights and low cut tops and guys walk around in only two layers trying to show-up the weather gods before they usher another month of snow in to cover our false spring. 

With the dependable, yet questionable practice of counting down to pitchers and catchers starts. We have to rely on our creativity to write posts that will not bore. So without further ado…. let’s have our first installment of what will hopefully become a years worth of posts about Facial Hair Growth on the San Francisco Giants. 

Top Three Facial Hair Moves and Transactions. 

#1. Lincecum Mustache.

In a stunning turn of events Tim Lincecum has decided to throw his hat in the ring for most pubescent looking mustache in the Majors. I highly applaude this move since I am a major proponent of Mustaches over beards. Lincecum looked pretty dapper in a short interview the day before Fan Fest and would not look out of place in a Brooklyn bar. 

Personally I am hoping that Timmy can get a John Waters stache going. 

#2. Sergio Romo and Brian Wilson have kept their beards. 

Let it be known that Brian Wilson WILL be rocking a mustache at some point in his career, it’s just the next logical move. Not to say that his beard is not manly, it does it’s job well, hiding the fact that he still only has 2 jokes in his joke barn.

Sorry about stealing this twitpic… thanks to who it was… I forgot. 

But we love him and his beard, and the fact that he and Sergio have wintered their beards makes me happy. I’m trying to think what is more distracting….. a guy throwing a ball at me at 90+ mph with a black pirate beard or a guy wearing orange shoes……. ya… STFU league. 

#3. Madison Bumgarner tames his hick beard. 

From this…….

To this…….

Not much of a difference. But with a lack of other facial hair alteration…. I gotta go with this as #3. 

As rules of this blog have it, I must give equal time to the patron saint of future Giants facial hair and all around inspiration to this blog with his (former) flaming red mustache…. Jason Stoffel…. Here is an interview with him. 

Stoffel seems to not be taking his career as a mustached closer seriously enough. Come on Jason!!!!! There are enough chin growths in major league bullpens! We need more lip sweaters, it’s the only way you are gonna make it. Let’s try THIS look again. 

Future Facial Hair-olator. 

I think our best bet for a good old-timey mustache is Madison Bumgarner. Only a guy who deals in livestock and lives in the tiny town of Lenoir, NC could rock a true mustache. 

Side note…. while looking up Bumgarner’s hometown I found that another Bumgarner came from that same home town…. Justin Bumgarner…. Who is a MMA Fighter, (bottom of the page) I wonder if they are related?

Be Careful What You Wish For…. Nerds

As you all have heard by now, there will be a “Hard Knocks”-esque show about the San Francisco Giants on showtime this season. Where they will doubtlessly delve into the clubhouse and show the nation what classy players and what a terrific team we have over on the Left Coast. Riiight?

Well, maybe. In our effort to “get the recognition that we deserve” here in the Bay Area, we are over looking the way that we get it and what we might lose. Last year the San Francisco Giants where that beautiful nerd girl hidden behind glasses and a bad haircut in freshman science class. That girl that all of us nerds knew was perfect, she was all ours to sweat over and nerd-out with, the best part was she would hang out with us and talk to us. We knew she could be the prom queen even before the cool kids pulled her glasses off and threw a sweet jean jacket on her. (come on… has no one seen “She’s All That”(RE: My Fair Lady)?)

What I’m saying is… be grateful for the recognition that the Giants are getting. It’s great, but now we have to share our nerd queen with everyone. I enjoy talking to other Giants fans over here (New York) about Brian Wilson’s new ridiculous facial hair, or Neukom’s strange bow tie obsession, I love seeing Giants fans wear shirts that poke fun at Lincecum’s recreational drug habit, and we all joke about the rally thong and pablo’s fondness for ice cream. But do we want every Dodger, Padres and even Cubs fan to share these jokes? Do we need a gaggle of national reporters asking soft toss beard questions in the clubhouse all season? It’s like a stranger taking a crack at your crotchety old uncle for being a cheap bastard. It’s alright for us to say that…. we’re family. 

Anybody remember this gem? The first ten seconds sum up what anyone east of the rockies think of the Giants. 

Tim’s snort of a repose is exactly how I feel.  

So ready or not here comes the circus to town, lights, camera, action, I am NOT saying that the Giants will crumble under the bright lights, although some teams have. Do I want the Giants to get the respect that they deserve? YES! But the BEST way to do it is to crush every team on your path to your second World Championship, not by letting a camera crew into our clubhouse to try and stir up some controversy.

I am just saying that “I personally” am not ready to share my favorite team with everyone. Especially people who don’t give a damn about baseball west of Chicago. 

“To everyone here who matters….. Your (we’re) vapor!!”

The Original

Giants pound the A’s 6 to 2

Screenshot of the game. 

The Original Stephen Strasburg, the original phenom… regaining his Cy Young form.

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4 out of 5 Neukoms

- 5 Walks Taken

- 2 DP turned

- 2 GIDP

- 2 HRs

- Posey put on a damn clinic at 1st base. 

and buster starting the 3-6-3 DP

Buster throwing off his back.

oh ya and his hit an RBI triple!

Posey throws home to get the lead runner in the first. 

Nice pick out of the dirt on an around the horn DP. 

oh ya… and we had some pretty bad lowlights.

Affeldt had a pretty awesome ooops in the 9th as he tries a hero throw to first that is WAAAY offline. 

Nate Shierholtz has NOOOOONE chance to get this triple…. Unnecessary dive award!

Pablo has a ball run right past him on a pick throw to third. 

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I’m going World Cup (french bias) theme…… (sorry soccer haters)

The Zinedine Zidane award (hero) goes to Pat the Bat Burrell. Welcome home kid. I got love for Yay Area kids. Also it would go to Timmy but I am pretty sure he will get more Hero awards this year… I am not positive that Pat will, let’s hope so. 

The Marco Materazzi award (villain) goes to Kevin Kouzmanoff who not only is an ex-Padre (which might explain some ownage) but he went 3 -4 off of Lincecum. 

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extras:

NO… The WTF costume does NOT go to these guys………..

it goes to THIS guy….. look right to the left of Brian Wilson…… WTF!!!!!!

Nice catch……(after the miss)…… my Nate the Great. 

Sorry Nate….. I thought this dive was almost as good as these…. at least I knew yours was sincere!

Andres Torres being Andres Torres….. love this guy.

I did too!!!!…… But I had to clean mine up with a mop….. sorry …. you set that one up on a tee.

Seriously…… CSN bay area! are you that hard up for cash? these advertisements are getting retarded…. what is next, “Cash for Gold?”

GET FUCKED BALL! ….. big money finally earns it. 

Ya……. signing vetrans….. thats a terrible idea. Where would we be without Huff. I hope I can say the same about Burrell in three weeks.

Some infield hitting…. way too much of this for fatty tonight. 

Bam Bam like big flies!

Curse of The SHEEEEITE Looking Hats

ok maybe it’s not a curse, but these hats look like my cat had a bloody barf on my head. 

Only really rivaled by………

Ok let’s just cut to the chase here. 

1. What’s up with Lincecum? 

2. Do we have a realistic chance of making it to the postseason/World Series without him?

3. When do the Giants man-the-fuck up and tell us what is wrong with him?

ok……

other than that…..

I don’t feel too bad about today considering the Giants just ran into a brick wall today nemed Ubaldo Jimenez. His stats are no fluke, the guy is a bear-shark and he has come for your children.

He is my dead lock to:

1. start the all star game

2. win the cy young

ok here is one last hat to give you nightmares. 

9th Inning Nervous Breakdown

Giants find 2 runs (somehow) against Oswalt and the Astros 2 to 1

Screenshot of the game.

Jazz Hands Strikeith!

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3 out of 5 Neukoms

- 0 walks taken

- a pretty bad bobble by Rohlinger in the 9th that made us all sweat a little more than we should have.

- All in all nothing super special, nothing super terrible defensively.

- But Nate made a spectacular catch early in the game that was pretty nice. 

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The Duke Award (hero) goes to Lincecum for leaving his 8th straight game with the lead…… too bad the bullpen threw 3 of those away. (….hmmmm…. that might be wrong…. but i know he left MOST of them with the lead.)

The Destro Award (villain) goes to Carlos Lee for being a bitch.

“your outta here ……bitch”

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Other Pics

Nate Dog is a beast

Really B.Wilson…..? You just have to make it bases loaded, 2 outs 3-2 pitch in the 9th inning? …… Really……?