Contemplating Fontenot
In 1st grade I had a friend named Nick Castillo. He was a runt, shorter than everyone, faster than most, and his clothes seem to fit him wrong even when they were new. He left or got kicked out of my school after an incident in 5th grade. As my memory fades of those hazy photograph years of my life, I am left with one memory of Nick. He was the only one of us that had seen boobs. Or at least he was the only one who had broached the subject. I remember vividly, playing super techmo bowl at his house one Sunday afternoon. We are taking a break to drink glasses of whole milk, a strange tradition in his house which I found to be excessive but was relishing at the time, when he confided in me that his older sister’s friend had let him touch her boobs.
I was too young to realize that I was supposed to be impressed. It more struck me that I had never really contemplated boobs more than I had after that day. Also short people took on a sort of mythical stature in my mind. Did they just know more about life than me? Did they have access to some sort of 4th grader black market on taboo things like boobs, maybe candy? What else did Nick know about?
There is something fascinating about short people, is their whole family short, or are they the runt? Is runt a derogatory word? I’m not even sure.
At 5’8 Fontenot is riding the edge of what would be considered a runt. But for some reason, maybe it’s his facial features, I think of Fontenot as some sort of runt. As a comment has pointed out to me Fontenot is more around 5’5 which seems right than at his listed height of 5’8. It is strange to me that on a team full of great nicknames that Mike Fontenot has survived half a season already without having a some sort of terrible “huff-daddy-esque” nickname attached to him.
Here are my choices.
#1. Mr. Tumnus
For this one it’s just pure looks.
#2. The Leprechaun
While calling someone a Leprechaun might have negative connotations, I want to say that this is not the case here. I’m just saying that Fontenot is short and looks like one.
#3. Pippen
Fontenot is a hybrid of all the actors that play the different hobbits in Lord of The Rings. But has some specific Pippen-like qualities…. at least in the fast-forward black and white movie in my head.
#4. Napolean
Like the great military leader of the early 19th century, Fontenot is not only short in stature, but he is also most definitely of hearty French stock. Height wise Fontenot has Napolean beat by an inch and a half, but career wise, I’d say that Napoleon has the edge. Looks like Napolean has him beat here in height and awesomeness of career.
Also…. does anyone else see the irony of anyone short being on a team called the Giants?
